I want to feel everything at once and sometimes, none of it at all. I want to experience pain, pleasure, and the consequences that come with them. I want to feel on top of the world, and I want to know what it’s like to feel completely worthless. I want to be in love, lust, passion; with one person, or more, or multiple at the same time. I never want to miss a thing. I don’t want censors. I want the dirty, scary, sad, thrilling, and the life changing. I want to go to bed being a different person than I woke up. Every day.
per fect
I hope that no one thinks about another person as much as I think about you.
I didn’t want to use perfect. But after looking up the dictionary definition of perfect..
per·fect
[adj., n. pur-fikt; v. per-fekt]
adjective
1.
conforming absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal type
2.
excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement
3.
exactly fitting the need in a certain situation or for a certain purpose
4.
entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings
1.
i can’t think of another person besides you who fits my ideal
2.
it is impractical to call a human perfect, but according to #1, you are theoretically my ideal. also, i can’t think of a single improvement. except when i am away from you.
3.
you fit exactly into my wants, needs, and purpose of happiness.
4.
because you completely and exactly fufill 1-3, there are no flaws, defects, or shortcomings.
the only downside is being away from you.
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As I have implied, one is not a concept I understand. When I smoked I smoked three packs a day, when I drank, well, let’s not get into that. If your psyche is a balloon animal and you squeeze to eliminate the cigarettes and whiskey, the crazy has to go somewhere. A friend’s mother ate nothing but clams for six months. Morning, noon, and night, nothing but clams. ‘I don’t know what it is—I can’t seem to get enough of them,’ she told her son. He shakes his head, but I understand. I eat nothing but broccoli for a month, then yogurt for six days, then (for one glorious week) lamb chops. One day I roasted a chicken and had seven chicken sandwiches before nightfall. If I like something, I like it a lot. Just one doesn’t cut it. I don’t know what it is I can’t get enough of.
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It seemed like this was one big Prozac nation, one big mess of malaise. Perhaps the next time half a million people gather for a protest march on the White House green it will not be for abortion rights or gay liberation, but because we’re all so bummed out.
ELIZABETH WURTZEL
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In a strange way, I had fallen in love with my depression. Dr. Sterling was right about that. I loved it because I thought it was all I had. I thought depression was the part of my character that made me worthwhile. I thought so little of myself, felt that I had such scant offerings to give to the world, that the one thing that justified my existence at all was my agony.
ELIZABETH WURTZEL
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It’s so hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.
Chuck Palahniuk
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No matter how careful you are, there’s going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn’t experience it all. There’s that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should’ve been paying attention. Well, get used to that feeling. That’s how your whole life will feel some day. This is all practice. None of this matters. We’re just warming up.
Chuck Palahniuk
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May I never be complete. May I never be content. May I never be perfect.
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Our real discoveries come from chaos, from going to the place that looks wrong and stupid and foolish.
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